Real Friendships Take Time and Intention
Making friends as a grownup takes time, a resource that for many of us is in short supply. But when we invest our time and energy into building and deepening friendships, we're literally making the world a better place and creating a better life for our future selves.
I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. As humans, we actually need connection – it increases longevity, reduces health risks, and lowers rates of anxiety and depression. We're made for community, and life is better when we have it.
But while it's relatively easy to meet new people, creating real connections with other adults can be really hard. There are a multitude of reasons for why making friends as an adult is so challenging, but one of the biggest factors has to be that friendship takes time.
If friendship is a plant, the quality and quantity of time we feed it is the water and sunlight that makes it grow.
Quality time together – time centered around common interests and shared experiences, can add depth to a friendship pretty quickly.
But in order to grow to full potential, friendships require regular doses of connection over a length of time – the longer the better. This is why moving to a new city can be so incredibly lonely; you're starting at ground zero and it takes awhile (and a lot of intention) for relationships to grow.
Add to that the busyness of everyday life, and it's no wonder that many of us struggle to build and maintain friendships.
But there are some things we can do to help develop the friendships and sense of community that will help us all to thrive.
- Center around shared interests like classes, groups, or clubs.
- Expand your circle, connect more often, and be open to friendships outside of your age or usual social groups.
- Leverage technology like Marco Polo and Voxer to stay connected when you can't meet face-to-face.
- Try pebbling, the practice of communicating "I'm here for you" in tiny but meaningful ways, like sharing memes, dropping off a coffee during the workday, and touching base via text.
Making friends as a grownup takes time, a resource that for many of us is in short supply. But when we invest our time and energy into building and deepening friendships, we're literally making the world a better place and creating a better life for our future selves. Real friendship takes time, but it's worth it.
What are your best tips for making friends as an adult?
Jamie Siebens is a writer, editor, and administrative genius with a knack for getting things done. She lives in Northwest Wisconsin with her husband, teen daughters, and a quirky rescue pup named Bentley. She writes about perspective, personal growth, and intentional living at www.jamiesiebens.com