Undone

Written by:
Jamie Siebens
Published on:
November 3, 2019

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The words crept across the page.

"Everything is okay, but nothing is right. Everything in my life feels undone, and I'm feeling undone too."

There are so many things that undo me.

Broken relationships.

Genetic disorders that cause suffering, and young lives that end too soon.

Politics.

Discrimination.

Domestic violence and abuse.

The pain I see in other people's eyes when I'm walking down the street.

Parenting.

(Those are the big things)

But I'm undone by the little things too.

That meals need to be made, and the never-ending pile of dishes that need washing.

The house that needs finishing, and cleaning, and fixing.

The money that needs to be made, and the time that it takes.

The times I get lost on my phone, and the time that it wastes.

The cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desire for other things, basically.

The woman I want to be, and that I'm not there yet.

These are some of the reasons I'm undone.

But there's more.

What undoes me the most is the voice in my head that shames me for feeling ungrateful.

The scolding I give myself for not being more productive.

Not being smarter.

Not being further ahead.

For not doing life perfectly.

For sinking under the waves when I should be walking on water.

But this is not the voice of the Father.

It's not the voice of the Shepherd.

It's not the tender leading into truth of his Spirit.

Shame and condemnation never come from Him.

His compassion never fails me.

When I'm undone, over things big or insignificant, He welcomes me.

When I feel lost in life, unsure of the next step, or simply stuck in the ugly middle.

He holds me together.

I pour out my brokenness and He gives me wholeness.

I offer my anxiety, He gives me peace.

I fix my eyes on Him and life falls into perspective.

I may be undone

But His grace is sufficient

and He is enough.

Colossians 1:15-17

Thanks for reading.

xoxo,

jamie

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